# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
