East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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