thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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