And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
