I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
