please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
