Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I deserve this hangover.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
