Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she peed on how many people?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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