New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
