I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
