i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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