what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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