everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
