I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
