Can i not drive my cunt home
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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