party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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