just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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