Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
