I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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