dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
