A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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