the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
