she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
