i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
