The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
last night I used snow as a chaser
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
