i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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