I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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