why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
