So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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