drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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