Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
