I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
