sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize