Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize