I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
