Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize