I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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