I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
