problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
