Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
