I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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