Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
