Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
