The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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