hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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