what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
