It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
