FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she peed on how many people?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
