Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
