Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
