Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think i got beer on your cat.
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