we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
