it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize