I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
