its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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