i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
the raccoons are back...
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