I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
