I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
