well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
