Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
