lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
