at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
