Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
