Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
