so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
they need to just BURY HIM!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
