sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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