I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
