What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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