One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
