Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
