I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
