Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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