She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
