Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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