i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
