Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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