if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
