i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
