Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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